Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
