do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
