there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
