I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
