somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
