I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
