Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
