So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
