I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
