Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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