his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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