Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
