Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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