just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You are a genius and a whore.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
