Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Can I color on your dick again?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
