3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
