Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
