I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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