are you so shy because you have an std?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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