Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
