I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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