he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize