There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
