I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
