areolas are like halos for boobs.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
