the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
