before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
