Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
