You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
