Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
