I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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