My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
