i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
