38 yer olds are good kisserssss
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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