this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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