I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
