she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
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