Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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