the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
