apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
