I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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