well you can't waste a boner
Swine flu is the new snow day.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
