I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
