so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
