You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
