I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
