For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
