He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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