Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize