I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
