also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize