I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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