I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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