low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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