I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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