Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize