Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
