I just made out with a guy for $7.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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