Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
