so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
