Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
