I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
