it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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