I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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