one word: firstdatebathroomanal
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
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