Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
