remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
