I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
