Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
