His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
