nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
