I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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