You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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