Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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